Is Compatibility a Requirement for a Happy Relationship?

Unfortunately for everyone who has ever tried looking for it, there is no hidden treasure map or secret formula that can guarantee true love.

What’s available is a constantly evolving list of factors that people can aim for to get their best approximation of it — and that list involves a curious thing called compatibility.

Cut From the Same Cloth

When two people have the same sense of humor, there’s a good chance they’re compatible.

When they find in each other what they consider to be interesting or attractive, odds are that they, too, have high compatibility.

The same goes for pairs who share values, dreams, and outlook on life. It’s when someone brings to the table pieces of themselves that seem to fit with the pieces inside of you that you become a great, if not perfect, match.

And something like that makes for a good relationship indeed.

But is it really necessary?

Compatibility as a Process

According to British author Alain de Botton, compatibility is an achievement of love and not its precondition.

Meaning, it’s something that couples can attain over the course of their relationship.

So when treated as a qualification at the start instead of something that can develop over time, compatibility can therefore be the reason a person lets go of or turns down someone who would’ve been perfectly good for them if given half the chance.

Because of this misconception, people can have unrealistic expectations of first dates.

They can have impossible criteria for what makes someone a good potential lover. One wrong answer to an innocent question or a disagreement over a simple thing can convince people that they’re not meant for each other after all.

People can end up assuming that compatibility is something that someone finds in its perfect form, not one that is built with time, patience, and commitment.

Conditions for a Partnership

There’s a handful of things that countless people and years of history can attest to be what’s needed for a happy and loving relationship.

Trust. Respect. Understanding. Intimacy.

Different people would add a few more, but what most would agree on is that each is a pillar that makes true love achievable.

Compatibility plays a similar role.

It creates a suitable venue for a happy relationship to thrive. With it, two people are able to be on the same page and meet each other halfway.

When couples are compatible, it’s easier for them to communicate and get to know each other better. Fewer things are lost in translation, and there is a common ground that they can depend on.

With compatibility comes the alignment of all the important things in a relationship: goals and expectations, to name a few. When you and your partner want the same things, it’s easier to work together.

Road to True Love

Even though no one can say for sure how to find or achieve true love, many people still try.

And for most of them, a compatibility test turns out to be a vital process.

But instead of something that needs to be fulfilled before two people can start the road to a happy and successful relationship, it is more a nebulous thing — both a goal and an obligation.