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Are You in a Female-Led Relationship Against Your Will
Who always chooses the restaurants for your dates? Who controls your
budget? Who has the final say on most, if not all, decisions you make as
a couple?
If the answer is your girlfriend or wife, then chances are you're in
what many people call a female-led relationship.
What Is FLR and Where Did It Come From?
The concept of FLR, or female-led relationship, traces its roots to
BDSM. According to Psychology Today, BDSM is the umbrella term for
sexual practices that involve physical bondage, pain, and power play.
If you grew up during the 80s or 90s, you might think, “That's what
marriage sitcoms are made of.”
You know the set-up: an ordinary family with the husband as the primary
breadwinner. But it's the wife who's the adult, the one who solves
problems and acts as the authority figure for the kids.
The husband is content watching TV, going out for drinks with his
buddies, and getting into all sorts of shenanigans. Think The Simpsons.
It makes for relatable comedy. But it isn't always funny in real life.
Some men feel like this has put them on an unequal footing with their
partners, while some women feel like they're stuck with a man-child for
a partner.
If you've ever wondered if you've inadvertently followed the same
relationship pattern, then you probably need to learn more about what a
female-led relationship is.
Female-Led Relationship Levels
The first is called low control.
It's where the authority of your female partner is present but subtle.
Most of your decisions are probably made together, with input from both
parties.
However, you instinctively wait for your partner to give the go signal
before you do or say anything final.
Most men willingly do this out of respect for their partners. Anything
that affects the relationships should have both your input anyway.
But it's worrisome if you have to wait for your partner's permission
before making even personal choices, such as who to vote for or even if
there's a diet you want to try.
Next, you have the moderate control level.
Everyday decisions are often made by your partner. She may still ask for
your opinion, but the structure of your daily routine is usually shaped
by her word.
To be fair, I've met many women who get frustrated because they ask
their partners for input, only to get the noncommittal, “I'm cool with
whatever, babe.”
If this is you, try contributing more to your daily routine. You might
be surprised at how welcome your input is.
But if she meets your participation with hostility, then you might have
a power imbalance in your hands.
Unlike the previous two, this next level is on the qualitative side. It
relies more on context than intensity.
This level, called defined control, has the two of you agreeing to have
your partner take the reins in a particular aspect of your relationship,
be it managing the household or directing your physical intimacy.
For most FLRs, this level is spelled out instead of something you
stumble into without your knowledge. There is often some kind of
compromise or agreement.
Lastly, you have extreme control.
A female-led relationship at this level gives the woman all the power
and control in the couple's dynamic. Your girlfriend or wife will be
dominating you in most or all areas of your life together.
There's nothing wrong with deferring to your girlfriend or wife
occasionally. There's also nothing wrong with experimenting in the
bedroom or relinquishing control to establish stronger trust.
But if your female-led relationship has put you into a submissive
position without your knowledge or consent, and you feel neglected or
belittled by someone you expected to be on equal footing with, then
perhaps it's time to assert yourself and demand the kind of treatment
you know you deserve.
