People Keep Asking: Can Long-Distance Relationships Work?

After years of advocating for online and international dating, I’ve stopped counting the number of times I encounter people whose answer to the question “Can long-distance relationships work?” is a quick and resolute “No.”

Many of them believe it’s a waste of time. Some also say it’s just wishful thinking. They all claim that it’s simply not possible to maintain a successful relationship with someone you can’t physically be with.

The funny thing is that I happen to agree, at least for the most part.

Which is probably why in order for us to have a more positive view of LDRs, we need to really understand the purpose of this kind of arrangement.

Why Couples Choose to Be in a Long-Distance Relationship

The basic premise is this: when you love someone, you want to be with them.

This means being able to talk to them whenever you want, or being free to touch them to express affection or offer reassurance. When you love someone, their presence is something you want, even need.

So if that’s the case, can long-distance relationships work?

First, we need to decide what we mean by “work”, and for that, we need to revisit the reasons why people willingly enter an LDR:

• They live far away from each other.
• One partner has to move or travel for study or work.

Those two are the most common situations that require a couple to be in a long-distance relationship.

Unlike the arrangement where partners prefer “living apart together” (LAT), LDR is often the best option for those who want to stay together despite their geographical separation. Some meet online while living in different counties or have a chance encounter while traveling and have to part when they both need to go home.

Other long-distance couples see one partner moving to a different place to make a living or pursue a dream.

But what’s common among these examples is that the couple usually sees LDR as a temporary setup and not the ultimate objective.

How Can Long-Distance Relationships Work?

We won’t include those who genuinely believe that LDR is the best situation for them or who think a long-distance relationship can be a permanent arrangement.

Most of the time, LDR is transitory. The couple agree to keep their relationship despite the separation with the expectation that in the future, they will eventually be together.

For that to work, they need these three things, among others: communication, trust, and concrete plans.

Communication is important in order for a couple to know that they have compatible expectations — that they’re on the same page when it comes to their goals and reasons for being together.

They should also trust each other to remain faithful despite not always knowing where their partner is or what they’re doing. Trust that when they’re asked, “Can long-distance relationships work?”, the answer is yes because they both want it to work.

Lastly, a couple in an LDR also needs to have concrete plans for the future. This is where commitment comes in.

Not only should they understand that their arrangement is only temporary, they should also endeavor to see each other as often as they can to at least mitigate the emotional pain of a long-distance relationship. The cure for loneliness because of physical distance will always be physical closeness, so even if it takes a long time, it’s still vital to plan the next quality time they can have or the next vacation they can go on together.

Something to look forward to is important in making long-distance relationships work.

Sometimes, it’s for the next trip that will put the couple in the same room after so long.

But, ultimately, it’s for a future where they no longer have to be apart ever again.