Dating a Single Mom the Best Way You Can

We don’t choose who we fall in love with. And sometimes, that might mean falling in love with a single mom.

Most people bring along some baggage when dating. Including yourself.

Most of the time, that baggage is psychological. Maybe an ex messed them up, maybe they got ghosted. Whatever that baggage is, you can’t see it.

Except for when that baggage comes in the form of children. That’s what happens when you’re dating a single mom – her baggage is a kid who may dislike you for not being their real dad.

If their dad left them high and dry, then you have to show the kid that you’re not going to do the same.

Especially if this single mother turns out to be your soulmate and cause of your joy.

Know what you’re getting yourself into

A lot of guys think that they’re open to dating a hot single mom, until they actually face reality and realize it’s not as simple as it seems. So, what’s a guy like you need if you want to date a single mother?

There are unwritten rules for dating a single mom, the most important one being that you won’t be the priority. Unlike in other relationships, a single mom is not going to be able to prioritize you. If her kid has something they need and it conflicts with spending time with you, she’s going to reschedule that date because the kid(s) is always going to come first.

That’s just something you’re going to have to accept. Humans are biologically wired to want to take care of their young and prioritize their offspring’s needs. You’re not going to win out over generations of instinctual behavior.

So if you do want to date someone with a kid, be prepared to be a secondary priority at best. The kid will always come first and you’re just going to have to deal with that if you want to be in a relationship with a woman who has a child.

Winning her child over

Speaking of the child, you will have to win them over. Because if you don’t, then the mom won’t likely invest in a relationship with you. You have to remember that she’s not just dating for herself, she’s also looking for a potential stepdad for her kid.

So how do you prove you’re the man for the job?

As humorous as it seems, a little bribery won’t hurt. Give the kid some nice gifts and ingratiate yourself with them. That might win them over, because that is what fathers do for their children anyway.

Beyond that, you also have to show them that you respect their relationship with their other parent. Let them know that you’re not trying to replace their dad. This can be especially important if the dad is dead. There’s no point in trying to compete with a dead man because when a person dies, flaws get minimized and good traits are exaggerated so you’re not going to win.

Instead, let them know that while you respect the relationship they have with their father, whatever that relationship may look like, that you’re there for them if they need you. Not only will this potentially win over the kid, it might help win over their mom, too.

Dealing With the Baby Daddy

One of the major problems of dating a single mom is the fact that you’ll have to deal with their baby daddy. This can be true if the ex-husband is still in their lives by way of custody or for some other reason. Sometimes, the ex is a little territorial over their kid, which is something that can inconvenience your future relationship.

Most people aren’t enthused to have their partner’s ex hang around, but one of the most brutally honest rules about dating a single mom is if her ex is in her kid’s life, he’s going to be in yours.

So show the ex that you respect the relationship he has with his child and that you know that you could never, and would never, replace him.

Now, if they’re the jealous type, there’s not really anything you’ll be able to do. You can’t control how another person feels. All you can do is endure whatever jabs he throws your way and take comfort in the fact that even though he’s trying to cut you down, his ex is still with you over him. Doesn’t matter he says, she’s with you.

But jealousy isn’t all you may have to deal with when you’re dating a single mom and have to deal with her ex, especially if it’s an international relationship. You may want to take your girlfriend back to your country and she may want to go with you, but her ex may block her child from going with her and she won’t want to leave her child behind.

That’s a complicated situation. The best you can do is to negotiate with her ex directly or hire a lawyer to try and amend their custody situation so your girlfriend can take her child with him.

Keep in mind that an ugly custody battle involving the courts might embitter the child to you, especially if they’re old enough to know what’s going on. That is going to put a strain on your relationship.

If you can negotiate with the ex, do so. It’ll be less expensive and is a much more amicable and much less dramatic route to getting what you want.

Now, if the father is out of the picture, then you’re basically free and clear.

Actually Dating the Mom

Now, onto the single mom herself. Winning one over is not going to be easy. Being a single mom means she’ll be a little more vigilant when it comes to relationships. Either her relationship with her child’s father ended or it was a dalliance that was never a relationship to begin with. Either way, she’s going to be vigilant.

So you may have to work extra hard to win her over.

But being your charming self isn’t going to be enough. It’s not enough that you can demonstrate that you can be a good partner to her, you also have to show her that you can be a reliable if not great bonus dad to her kid.

That’s going to include winning the kid over as described above. But simply getting the kid’s approval isn’t always going to be enough. It’s a step in the right direction, but you have to prove that you can be relied upon to commit to her and her child(ren).

You need to show her that you can show up, that you’re not going to turn tail and run, and you need to show her that you have the (step)parenting skills needed to be in her and her children’s lives.

Also, you’re going to have to take it slow. A single mom isn’t just going to let anyone into her life because her kid might not like them, they may not like their kid, or they could be someone who is going to be a danger to the child. They have to extensively vet their partner so as to make sure they’re not going to be a threat to their child.

So you’re going to have to be patient and also non-threatening. Getting pushy is a great way to scare off any woman and it’s doubly true when the woman in question is raising a child.

Circling Back to You: What Do You Want?

So, that’s the mom. The kid’s covered. So’s the ex. Now, there’s the last variable in the equation and that’s you. Single mom dating rules dictate that you should be in the headspace to date one.

Should I date a single mom?

That’s a question you have to answer and it’s not one that can be answered so easily. For example, dating a single mom means potentially becoming a stepdad. That means having to do the things that come with being a dad but also maybe not having the same amount of authority. It’s a nebulous space because the boundaries are often undefined.

And again, there’s so much work that goes into winning one over. A lot of guys see the mountain ahead and think they can climb it, but then the air starts getting thin and they turn around and head back down the way they came.

If you plan on dating a single mother, or if one starts showing a romantic interest in you, then you have to understand that it’s not going to be like dating any other kind of woman. You may want to leave your past relationships behind, but hers is a human being that’s not so easily discarded.

Dating a single mom takes a special kind of guy. It takes the kind of guy that can love someone who’s got some serious relationship baggage. It takes the kind of guy who can care for a child that’s not his and to occasionally have to deal with that child’s father.

If you think that you’re that kind of guy, then go ahead and find a single mom to date.