How to Spot the Dreaded Gold Digger

Do they want me for the right reasons?

If you’ve been actively dating to find the right person for you, this is a pertinent question. After all, you want to know if the person you end up with is with you for the right reasons.

But what are those right reasons? In dating, the right reasons are love, affection, and companionship — basically, the cheesy stuff that goes into wedding speeches.

But if you’re a person with money, this becomes an even more important question to ask. Why? Because you’ve got to deal with gold diggers.

What is a Gold Digger?

A gold digger is basically someone who engages in a romantic relationship solely for money.

Not everyone who makes a lot of money is a target for gold diggers because what constitutes a “lot of money” is relative. Someone who lives in a small town in the Midwest and makes 100k a year and can afford a house and two cars can be considered rich.

Someone who makes the same amount of money but lives in a coastal city with a high cost of living is barely above middle class and wouldn’t even qualify for a two-bedroom apartment because landlords want tenants whose gross income is 40 times the monthly rent.

Both people above make the same amount of money, but the latter is less likely to be targeted by a gold digger simply because they don’t have that much gold to go around after taxes and living expenses.

The real targets for gold diggers are the people who make enough money to at least upper middle-class in their area. In an urban environment, this would be at least around mid six-figures. So if you’re a person who’s making enough to live comfortably, max out your 401k and IRA contributions, and still have plenty left over, then you best watch out. You’re exactly the kind of person that a gold digger would target.

Historical Gold-Diggers

While the popular image of gold diggers is of young, beautiful women dating and marrying older, wealthy men, that does not mean that wealthy women are safe from gold diggers either.

Men can also dig for gold, such as the more than 450 marriages between American dollar princesses and European aristocrats who used their wives’ new money to replenish their family coffers. One of these aristocrats was Lord Randolph Churchill, whose son Winston might be familiar to anyone with even a third-rate understanding of 20th-century history.

There was also Piers Gaveston, the son of a knight who had an extremely close and intimate relationship with Edward II of England. Gaveston was showered with title, a favorable marriage, jewels, land, and all manner of finery. Medieval chronicles posit the two, both married to women at various points, were potentially lovers.

The two examples above illustrate two points; that gold-digging is not a new concept and it is not exclusive to women targeting men. Anyone with a substantial amount of wealth can be a target, regardless of gender. So one whose bank account has a few zeroes at the end should feel as if they’re completely safe.

Spotting the Gold Digger

How does one with money spot a leech? Many of these gold diggers will say and do the right things to cloud a person’s judgment and even someone crafty enough to make a lot of money can fall victim to their wiles. How do you go about catching a gold digger before they get their hooks into you?

One of the surest signs of a gold digger is if they’re way more attractive than you. There’s no nice way of saying this: unless you’re at least an 8 on a scale of 1 to 10, you’re not going to get 10s fawning over you. If someone who’s supermodel-level gorgeous is fawning over you, then they’re a gold digger.

This can be especially true if there’s an age gap. If they’re in their early 20s and you’re past retirement age, chances are that they’re with you because they see you as an investment, not a partner. They’ll stick around, spend your money, wait for you to croak, and inherit everything.

Another way to catch a gold digger before they can really sink their teeth into you is to see how they react when the check comes. Do they offer to split the bill? Do they offer to pay at all? If they don’t offer to even leave a tip for the waiter, then they probably feel like you should be paying for everything, which is a common trait among gold diggers.

One other sign that someone’s only in it for the money is if their love language is gifts, but more specifically, if their love language is expensive gifts. If your inexpensive but sentimental gifts aren’t as well-received as expensive gifts, then they’re in it for your bank account, not you.

Keep in mind that a lot of gold diggers aren’t necessarily destitute themselves. Many of them will come from privileged backgrounds and they’ll be accustomed to the finer things in life and they’ll behave in a manner that befits such an upbringing. Many gold diggers will be able to act like they belong in wealthy areas, be it a high-end bar or a cocktail party, a gold digger will seem like they belong.

That’s how you catch them before they get you. But what if they slip past your defenses and get their hooks in? How can you tell someone is trying to sponge money off of you? Well, you test them. Here’s how to test a gold digger:

One of the easiest ways to test a gold digger is to leave everything to the right people in your will. If your spouse is only marrying you for your money, then they’re going to want the lion’s share of the inheritance.

But, if you leave most of your assets to your children while still leaving them something, then that’s going to take the wind out of a gold digger’s sails.

They may protest and say that you don’t really love them, but if they really loved you, they’d understand that it’s only natural to leave your legacy to your children.

If you want to know how to spot a gold digger, ask about their ambitions. If they don’t have any ambitions but still want to live the high life, chances are that their ambition is to hitch themselves to someone who can fund their lifestyle.

How Do You Respond to a Gold Digger?

What’s the best way to deal with someone who’s in it for the money? There are two ways: leave them high and dry or accept the nature of the relationship. There are a lot of wealthy people who are lonely enough that they understand their partner’s intentions and stay anyway.

Do gold diggers fall in love? Yes, there’s a chance that they’ll fall for their mark. But it’s unlikely, so don’t count on it.

If you suspect that your partner is a gold digger, know that it’s not unprecedented, learn the signs, and do what you feel is best for you.