Teaching Men How to Move on From a Relationship

They say men are faster than women when it comes to getting over a breakup.

In modern dating stereotypes, we typically depict a post-breakup woman as the one who suffers more. She changes her hairstyle, eats chocolate while crying over rom-coms, and scours the internet for tips on how to move on from a relationship.

Meanwhile, the man is shown to be cool and unaffected. He’s usually maintaining the status quo without any sign of heartbreak. Sometimes, he will even introduce a new girl mere days after ending things with his ex.

But what may seem like lack of care and commitment can also hint at a deeper issue that many don’t realize.

Maybe guys are affected when they end a relationship. It’s just that no one has told them how to deal with it properly.

The Right Way to Get Over a Breakup

Learning how to move on from a serious relationship can manifest in different ways.

Contrary to what a lot of dating blogs and experts say, there is no “correct” process that will apply to everyone. Some coping mechanisms can work for you and be completely useless to others.

However, there are also coping mechanisms that are universally unhealthy, and they may just be the culprit for men’s notorious post-breakup reputation.

According to a research conducted in Binghamton University, men do, in fact, tend to experience less emotional and physical pain after a breakup. Because women have a lot more to lose due to their biology (at least in terms of seeing dating as a mating cycle), they are more negatively affected immediately after the separation.

But this isn’t proof that men are less invested in their relationships.

In the same research, it was found that men simply don’t know how to move on from a relationship in healthy or conventional ways. Instead of processing their emotions, they resort to anger and self-destructive behavior.

So all that carefree partying and the rebound flings that a newly single guy is boasting about? That’s him “dealing” with his breakup the only way he knows how.

Moving on for Dummies (And Emotionally Challenged Guys)

Unfortunately, men often get the short end of the stick when it comes to things like emotions and interpersonal dynamics.

Because of this, many people assume that men don’t have feelings at all.

Which is probably why it looks like men can fall in and out of relationships with little fanfare or go through partners like women go through clothes.

The question now is this: how should they process breakups to avoid their typical self-destructive methods?

• Cry if you want to.

  Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that men are not allowed to cry. You absolutely are.

  In fact, crying is one of the quickest ways to make yourself feel better after an emotionally taxing situation. If your ex broke your heart, you totally get a free pass to cry your heart out.

• Don’t pretend you’re okay.

  Very few people give men advice on how to move on from a relationship because many of them take great pains to make it seem like they don’t need it.

  But being emotionally vulnerable is, in fact, healthy, and anyone who says it’s emasculating is just another person who needs to reassess their own coping mechanisms.

• Avoid rebound relationships.

  Being with someone new is not going to help you move on faster. It’s only going to make you more likely to hurt someone else and bury your feelings even deeper.

  So instead of parading another woman around, it’s better if you spend more time with yourself. Who knows? Maybe you’ll realize exactly what went wrong and how you can avoid it when you’re actually ready to be with someone else again.