Blended Families: A Second Chance at Love and Life

Gone are the days when a family consisted of a mother, a father, and the children they brought into the world.

Because of our evolving understanding of love and relationships, we can now afford to learn from our mistakes and move forward — to search for what truly makes us happy, no matter how many times it takes.

And that is what the concept of blended families is all about: to build not the family that everyone expects you to have, but the family that you want, even one that breaks the mold.

Third Time’s the Charm

Since I don’t have any personal experience with blended families, I sat down with a friend and former client of mine whose own mixed family has always been a source of inspiration for me as well as a reminder that love doesn’t always have to be conventional.

Robbie had already been 58 when he met his wife, Cecilia. Divorced twice and the co-parent of a teenager, getting back into the dating scene was an idea that a lot of his loved ones had been strongly against.

The fact that Cecilia herself was also separated and had two kids of her own only made things more complicated.

I asked Robbie, “How in the world did you manage it?”

With a sheepish smile that carried more than enough gravitas, he answered, “With kindness.”

To the kids. To his future partner in life. To himself.

They needed to be kind enough to allow themselves another chance at being happy together.

Blended Families 101

Though raised an old-school Christian boy in Iowa, Robbie had already heard a lot about the positive psychological effects of blended families on widowers or divorcees and their children.

Cecilia and her twins not being American may have made some things more challenging, but Robbie knew that was part of falling in love with a wonderful woman who just happens to be a Latina single mom.

Over the years, he would come to know a lot about blending families, along with the love and commitment it takes to be a father in one.

With his permission, I’m sharing below some of the lessons Robbie has learned:

• Open and respectful communication

  None of his and Cecilia’s children had been toddlers, so they both needed to find the balance between being a parent who made the hard calls and a loved one who wouldn’t patronize or underestimate the kids’ ability to understand the situation.

  Robbie found that the best way was to communicate openly and allow everyone to make informed decisions.

• The best of both worlds

  Apart from being one of very few blended families in their community, their household was also an interracial one. Instead of trying to replace his stepchildren’s father or erase their heritage, Robbie worked hard to honor Cecilia and her ex-husband’s culture and traditions while sharing his own.

• Endurance and commitment

  Robbie’s journey hasn't always been easy, and the acceptance from his and Cecilia’s children didn’t happen overnight.

  But because they were both committed to each other and to their family, they never let themselves be discouraged — not by the challenges, and certainly not by people who seemed to think they were fools to even try.