What Is Body Count and Does It Matter in Relationships?

It usually refers to casualties of a battle. Sometimes, it also means the number of victims in a calamity or disaster.

But what is body count in terms of dating? Well, it talks about how many lovers a person has had, usually before they met their current partner. A 2020 study published by Pew Research Center reported that 65% of Americans accept premarital sex between couples in relationships, and 62% approve of casual sex. That’s the majority of dating adults in the United States.

No wonder this topic has risen.

No wonder that for some, specifically people whose views on relationships may be a little conservative, body count can say a lot about the value of a person as a romantic and sexual partner.

What Is Your Body Count?

In a new relationship, there’s a phase where the couple has to continue getting to know each other while navigating their dynamic. It involves talking about your expectations and boundaries.

Eventually, the topic of past lovers will come up, and you’ll find yourself wondering if you should ask how many partners your new partner has had before you.

When people ask “what is body count?”, it often comes with the expectation of getting more than just a number. It’s attached to the idea that someone who’s had fewer or more sexual partners than average is a certain kind of person — a certain kind of lover.

But what is considered a high body count?

If you had only a handful of sexual relations in the past, or even none at all, others may assume that you’ve been waiting for the love of your life this whole time. If they’re feeling particularly harsh, they can say you just have no game.

But if you have a significant body count, they can also either think you’re very attractive and adventurous, or they can think you’re just plain promiscuous. (And if your new partner takes issue with that, they can even go so far as to track down every lover you’ve ever had.)

Why You Should Ask

“What is body count?” and “What is your body count?” are questions that have been featured in dating circles now that modern relationships have become more open about discussing things like sexual history and preferences.

But is body count really something you need to know about people, including the person you’re dating?

Some point out that you need it to determine if someone is safe to be with or not. That may sound close-minded, but STDs are a real concern. It’s also true that a lower body count lessens the risks. Those are sensible precautions.

But remember that even if those risks are less, they’re not gone. And many STDs are manageable and shouldn’t mark someone as “damaged goods.”

A high body count can also put into question a person’s capacity to be loyal. Sex is a choice, and our choices define us more than we give them credit for. Having had so many partners before might mean someone has commitment issues, right?

That’s something to be considered. But remember that faithfulness is also a choice, and it’s not mutually exclusive with having a low body count.

Why You Shouldn’t Ask

You shouldn’t ask if you have no intention of keeping it private – someone’s sexual history is not just deeply personal, it’s privileged information. You’re not entitled to someone’s past, only your personal choices.

You shouldn’t ask if you haven’t checked yourself for any hypocrisies, and you shouldn’t ask if all you care about is performance.

The stereotypes of the man who sleeps around yet would only consider a “pure” woman for a wife, or people who look down on virgins because they’d be boring in bed, and – okay, so this is a real danger, not just a stereotype – the malicious person who spreads rumors about their partner’s sexual history all exist for a reason, and they often cause serious harm.

Everyone dates for their personal reasons and values. Some do so because they want to hook up, and others because they’re looking for serious relationships. Some are simply trying to find a second chance at love.

So the next time you hear “What is body count?” or “Is body count important?”, remember that it all comes down to one’s values.

If you and your partner can’t agree on that, it doesn’t mean that one of you is right and the other wrong. After all, “your body, your choice” goes both ways.

But disagreement means that your values are misaligned, and that incompatibility is what will really have an impact on your relationship.