How to Be a Gentleman in Life

You need to know how to be a gentleman, not just to attract ladies, but to live a better life in general.

Bespoke suit. Signet ring. Oxfords, not brogues or wingtips. Pressed shirt. A pocket square that matches your tie or shirt. A timepiece with the words SWISS MADE printed on the bottom of the dial. You might think that wearing these things is how to be a gentleman and there is some truth to that notion. But being a gentleman is much more than the sartorial choices you make.

Yes, dressing in a certain way is one method of projecting, of presenting yourself as a gentleman. And while presentation matters, having the qualities of a gentleman entails more than wearing the right things.

Being a gentleman is a lifestyle, a way of being. It’s attractive, to be sure. That’s really what the ladies want in their man. In this article, we’ll go through the ins and outs, the tricks of the trade, in the hope that as you practice them, you can truly begin to call yourself a gentleman.

How to Dress Like a Gentleman

While chivalrous and proper behavior marks the true quality of a gentleman, it helps to be easily identified by your outer appearance. Here are some ways to dress that can help to identify you as a gentleman.

Minimal branding - If you want to look like a gentleman, then you’ll have to go minimal when it comes to the way you dress. Your shirts should be plain, with any logos minimized. Graphic T-shirts or anything with overly large branding should be eschewed.

Tailored - Part of being a gentleman is dressing well. Now, it’s going to matter what you wear if you can’t wear it well. You can’t let your pants cover your feet. You can’t let your shirt billow like a tent. The only thing that should billow is your coat and only behind you when it’s windy. So if you want to prevent any of that happening, get the clothes you buy off the rack tailored so it best fits you.

Minimal accessories - Being ostentatious is not part of being a gentleman. The way a gentleman presents himself should be understated. He should be subtle. If he draws attention to himself, he does so quietly. If you want to be one, or at least present yourself as one, your accessories should be similarly subtle.

A signet ring is fine. A wedding band if you’ve made the commitment. A watch is an accessory that is always acceptable, but the kind of watch that’s worn differs by the occasion. Sporty watches like chronographs are perfect for wearing every day and to work, but formal events such as weddings call for dress watches.

On that note, dress watches come with leather straps, and the color of the leather should be the same color as your shoes. Maybe not exactly the same shade, but in the same color family.

A proper gentleman understands the impact of a tastefully curated wardrobe, and knows the power of presenting oneself in an elegant ensemble.

How To Act Like A Gentleman

But dressing like a gentleman and being one are not one and the same. It’s part of it, but there are certain traits of a gentleman that go beyond the way you dress. The way you present yourself isn’t just in your clothing, it’s also in the way you act.

Back straight - An important characteristic of a gentleman is the way he carries himself, with confidence, but not arrogance. The best way to present this is by the way you stand, with your back straight and not slouched.

Speak concisely - If you want to be a gentleman, you can’t be the loudest voice in the room unless it’s necessary. But on most occasions, you speak softly and concisely. Be clear, but don’t be loud.

On that note, be thoughtful. Think about what you want to say before you say it. Not only will this stop you from stumbling over your words, it’ll also help you get whatever point you want to make across.

On yet another, similar note, minimize your swearing. There might be occasions wherein strong language becomes necessary, but keep expletives to a minimum. Not only does this come across as more gentlemanly, but it’ll also make the times wherein you do choose to swear more impactful.

Never punch down - if you wish to be a true gentleman, it’s important to never punch down. This means to never belittle anyone, especially not someone who might be seen as a social inferior.

Now, being gentle, oddly enough, is not always one of the characteristics of a gentleman. You are allowed to punch up, or laterally. If it arises that someone belittles another, you may step in and diffuse the situation.

Smell good - This is not a requirement for being a gentleman, but many people who are or aspire to be gentlemen smell good. This doesn’t just mean regular bathing. This can also mean wearing a conservative amount of cologne.

Be considerate - Now comes the gentle part of being a gentleman. You need to be considerate of other people. This doesn’t just mean not punching down as above or making sure you don’t smell bad around them. No, being considerate of other people means taking their circumstances into account when you speak to them or make plans.

It especially means not wasting their time and that means being on time when you make plans.

The sidewalk rule is one of those unwritten rules that show you embody class and chivalry.

How To Be A Gentleman To A Lady

You now know how to be a gentleman to the general populace. But what about being a gentleman to a specific person? Imagine that this person is someone you’re romantically interested in. How do you act around and towards her?

When it comes to dealing with a woman you’re keen on wooing, abiding by the code of a gentleman is usually the best policy. For the most part, the code is clear. You may be familiar with the basics like holding doors open for them and showing up at their door with flowers — basically every cliché in the book.

But there are other lesser-known rules that, while often overlooked, can boost your standing in this lady’s eyes.

The sidewalk rule - Quick question; when walking on a sidewalk with a woman, where are you supposed to be positioned? The answer is the side facing the street. Whenever you walk with a woman, make sure that you position yourself between her and the road, so that if anything were to happen, you’re the one taking the brunt of the damage.

It may seem like you’re putting yourself at risk, but the risk is low and the gesture does not often go unnoticed.

Respecting boundaries - At the end of a date, when you drop your date off at their door, you may be tempted to kiss her. But she may not feel the same inclination. There’s two options; press the issue or respect boundaries. Take a wild guess as to which one a gentleman should take.

He takes the second option because a gentleman respects boundaries, not just with kissing but with all forms of physical contact. That’s how to be a gentleman to a lady, or at least a huge part of it.

Being a gentleman isn’t about fancy clothes or cocktail parties. It’s about the way you act around others and how you carry yourself. If you want to know how to be a gentleman, just mind your manners and be respectful of everyone around you.