Real Passion vs. Parasocial Desires: Which Is Which?

Real passion or parasocial desires? Which of the two are you feeling?

We've all exhibited parasocial desires at some point in our lives. For some, it's towards fictional characters from movies or shows. The relatability of these personas strikes a chord and stays in their hearts.

For others, their desires zero in on real people, like celebrities, athletes, and acquaintances.

Do you remember the now-defunct Craigslist personals? If not, are you currently on any dating apps/sites? At some point, you might have gotten attached to the beautiful and handsome faces there. Or you may know someone who has.

Your feelings are valid, but they're not the same as genuine passion. Let's dissect the two and see where they differ.

The Lowdown on Parasociality

What is this phenomenon all about?

Parasociality is an emotional attachment that one develops towards someone they don't know personally. They think they have some relationship with the other person, but clinical psychologist Adam Borland describes their connection as only one-sided, similar to having imaginary friends in childhood.

The internet enabled the rise of parasocial relationships, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic. People wanted some sense of belonging due to the isolating nature of quarantine. So, they turned to their devices, which gave them constant access to media personalities and online communities, where they found a sense of intimacy.

The internet has made it easier to form these connections because of its convenience and accessibility. However, Dr. Borland says this admiration toward public figures existed long before the dawn of the internet.

“And it was more than just being a fan back then, too. Parasocial relationships are about having a really strong identification and sense of connection,” he tells the Cleveland Clinic.

The Meaning of Passion

When you ask people their take on passion, they'll usually say it's strong and intense. And there's merit to that. Many people express enthusiasm and interest unabashedly, especially around people they like.

But passion can go two ways.

One, it could fizzle out. Both parties are passionate about each other because of appearances. With that, they enter a relationship, barely knowing anything about each other. They get lost in their feelings, making them unlikely to last long.

And two, it may be a stepping stone to something real. The sparks transform into a long-term commitment. A couple gets past the euphoria and works toward each other's happiness and fulfillment. It's not as blissful as the initial passion. But it's more enduring.

How Does Passion Differ From Parasocial Desires?

It might seem like passion isn't any different from having parasocial desires. After all, who's to say the latter won't also lead to a serious relationship?

However, what separates one from the other is their intensity.

Passion involves devotion to a certain degree, but parasocial desires are borderline obsessions towards someone.

Someone in a parasocial relationship hyperfixates on their desired person, losing touch with their surroundings. Their disconnection from reality hinders their development of social skills (relatability being among them) and emotional awareness.

The more they focus on their desire, the more everything else becomes meaningless in their eyes. Real life isn't as enticing as their little bubble, and they couldn't care less about anything or anyone outside of it.

Don't get caught up in a parasocial relationship. It leads nowhere.

Also, they tend to put others on a pedestal, ignoring the reality that everyone has imperfections. This behavior leads to disappointment and disillusionment.

Their desires also trigger their defensive side. If someone says something against their desired person, they aggressively counter them.

And perhaps most concerning is that their parasocial behavior worsens their mental health. Hyperfocus perpetuates isolation and then loneliness. Once they realize their parasocial tendencies lead nowhere, their struggles heighten, and healing becomes even more difficult.

Drawing a Line

I'm sure it was nice to imagine having relationships with the Craigslist single ladies or your current online matches.

But if you keep going down this road, you'll end up using parasocial relationships as a coping mechanism for loneliness or lack of genuine connections. You're already aware of the harm they can cause. You're better off switching gears than suffering in the long run.

But does the line between passion and parasocial remain blurry to you? How about we draw a clear one now?

Strong feelings towards your parasocial partners are enough to send you on a high. However, what you think you have is far removed from reality.

Bring yourself back to Earth by separating fantasy from reality. You're directing your desires towards personas heavily curated by the people behind the scenes or your own unrealistic expectations. Holding on to this is like living a lie for the rest of your life, and it's not worth it. Set your parasocial partners apart from real people to save yourself from tons of disappointment and heartbreak down the line.

Then, cut back on parasocial activity by doing offline activities. Remember those hobbies you loved doing before this one-sided setup took over? Let them come back into your life. These and other real-life activities strengthen your emotional resilience, benefiting your overall welfare.

Once you cut back on being chronically online, reach out to your family and friends. Real-world connections don't have notifications, so don't wait for an alert to pop up to do something. Unlike online relationships, these offer reciprocity and emotional fulfillment. You don't need to beg for their love.

If you feel you can't fight this battle alone, seek professional help. Asking for guidance from therapists and counselors isn't shameful or weak; don't let anyone tell you otherwise. They won't have definitive answers, but their expertise will help you figure out your issues and walk toward a healthier path. When you do, you're more likely to gain genuine connections.

Embrace Reality

Parasocial desires may seem harmless, but they're among the least healthy things you can keep in life. Euphoria can only last for so long, and you're bound to come crashing down to Earth once the sweet stuff is over.

Passion isn't as dreamy as parasocial relationships, but it's REAL. You're better off taking the good, bad, and ugly that comes with reality than staying in dreamland.

Take steps in embracing reality by registering on Foreign Affair. Match with women from all over the world. More importantly, be guided by our matchmakers in your search for your lifetime partner.

Reference

Cleveland Clinic. 2023. “Friend or Faux: Are Parasocial Relationships Healthy?” Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/parasocial-relationships.