Having a Tradwife Doesn't Make You Anti-Feminist

If there's one thing that discourse on highly controversial topics have a hard time understanding, it's that some truths aren't mutually exclusive.

Fact 1: Women are more than just mothers and wives.

Fact 2: A woman can choose to be a mother and a wife.

As people online continue to debate the idea of a tradwife, or a woman who has a traditional role in her marriage, plenty of men are put on the hot seat for either wanting a tradwife or being married to one.

The common claim is that women assuming traditional gender roles sets feminism back. Men marrying tradwives, therefore, is an example of antifeminism.

But it's not always as simple as that.

The Hive Mind Phenomenon

Yes, there is danger in social media trends that spread hateful propaganda.

Measuring a woman's worth only by how useful she is to the men in her life is a backward mindset. Plenty of discussions on the internet do, in fact, touch on this — and yes, even discussions involving the tradwife movement.

But sweeping statements rarely capture the whole picture, and since society does not operate on a hive mind, the issue is not nearly as black-and-white as it seems.

By popular definition, a tradwife is a homemaker. She cooks, cleans, and takes care of the children while her husband goes to work to provide for the family. Decades ago, this was often the only role available to women. Many people then believed it was the only role suited to them.

Now, many condemn the very notion of a tradwife. In this modern world, they would say, women should choose to be anything but one.

But does it really have to be one way or another?

It All Comes Down to Choices

Doing one specific thing doesn't automatically make you anti-feminist. Being against feminism is what makes you anti-feminist.

A lot of men are married to tradwives. Some of them are happy and successful partnerships, while others likely embody the very issues that many people are so concerned about when it comes to traditional gender roles.

The difference? Having a choice.

If you're married to a woman who fits the bill when people describe tradwives, it doesn't mean you're a terrible husband. For all we know, you're perfectly content and in love.

This is possible if you didn't force your wife to limit herself to the role of a tradwife. If the choice was hers and you both acknowledge that being a stay-at-home mother and spouse doesn't make her the lesser partner, then your marriage is not anti-feminist.

Because feminism promotes the freedom of women to have a choice, and this includes the decision to either reject or embrace traditional gender roles.

It's true that there are aspects of the tradwife discourse that skirts the edges of antifeminism and misogyny. That is to be expected of any dialogue with countless people contributing.

But no one has the right to make generalizations and judge the way couples live their lives simply because they exhibit some of the characteristics of a controversial idea.

If people stop automatically assuming that men with tradwives hate women, perhaps we can better identify (and steer clear of) those who really do.